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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/2/2008 9:23:11 AM
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truthrevealed
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I've noticed that I need to mentally wind down from the MANY chores/responsibilites that are in my mind all day. Unlike a man, it's difficult to jump from what's for dinner?, is homework done?, when is this bill due? to 'bringin sexy back' 
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/2/2008 10:09:27 AM
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AngieCat
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I completely agree with you Truth. I find it hard to change gears quickly. I find that my hubby and me are closest when my son is away at a friend's house or with his dad because I can focus my energy on our relationship instead of being a mom, wife and homeowner.
That solo time has changed as off November with the arrival of my blessed daughter. I am not sure how to unwind and change gears so effectively. Any suggestions?
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Angela
Blessed Mother of 2- Derek, age 10, and Hannah born November 9th
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/2/2008 11:59:36 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3939
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I need to mentally build myself up to it, as well. I just don't function well if she slips up behind me while I'm focused on doing dishes and he expects me to all "ready" with no warning. This sounds horribly unromantic, but we have certain ... appointments with each other. If I know an appointment is coming, I can mentally gear up for it.
I just can't be the kind of submissive wife who is ready at a moment's notice to serve her husband's needs. But I do try to meet him in the middle as much as I can, and contrary to popular belief, his love tank is also filled by hugs and kisses throughout the day, not only "bed sheets" time.
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This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/2/2008 9:54:48 PM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 403
Joined: 12/6/2007
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quote:
for me, reminding myself that sex for my husband is the equivalent of a hug for me
That's good. I had to realize that sex for him is my equivalent "emotional talks" that he patiently listens to over and over and over........
Yet, there are still times where a simple touch feels like acid to my flesh. I've identified, for the most part, why that is...one reason is those messed up hormones in addition to things a bit more profound. I wonder if others identify?! Well, not the acid part
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/2/2008 11:40:29 PM
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uponeagleswings
Posts: 1627
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From: Out here in the desert
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany
for me, reminding myself that sex for my husband is the equivalent of a hug for me (as in the emotional connection) keeps me ready for him.
FOR US, me saying I'm 'not in the mood' would be the same as me saying, "I had a terrible day, will you give me a hug?" and him saying, "I'm not in the mood..."
This is good, and something I work on reminding myself of. DH and I have quite different drives and energy levels when it comes to that, so we've gone rounds with this one several times. For the moment we seem to have hit on something that works. I actually read it in a book and we adapted it to our needs.
We decided on a general frequency, then agreed that we would take turns initiating. The way we do it gives enough leeway for it to be spontaneous, without someone wondering if "it" will happen anytime soon. One of us is responsible for initiating once during the week, and once more on the weekend, then its the other person's turn for the following week and weekend. Rainchecks are allowed, but we try not to flat out refuse (we make exceptions for sickness, TOM, etc). I find that when its my turn to initiate I can spend time getting myself mentally ready, and when its DH's turn he's more loving and attentive in anticipation of that time. 
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/3/2008 9:16:16 AM
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Kath
Posts: 16906
Joined: 2/28/2005
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Ladies, this thread is only for those who are married or have been married. If one has never been married the reality is one cannot offer suggestions to "get in the mood", it would only be speculation.
Please do not use this thread to chastise anyone who has trouble getting in the mood. It is disruptive and off topic.
And of course please follow the guidelines of FCN concerning graphic advice.
Thank you.
Sincerely
Kath
Volunteer Assistant Administrator
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message as I am unable to discuss it further.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns allowing time for a response during normal business hours.
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Please review our FAQ for an explanation as to why one cannot confront a moderator directly.
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/3/2008 7:45:22 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 1204
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
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Um, this is going to sound strange, but I pray about it. Recently with the baby, then the depression and now the meds, my libido has gone down the toilet. And that's strange, I am usually the one that has a higher libido than him! It bummed me. So, knowing that this is an important part of our relationship and it is God honoring and God created, I asked my maker of the gift to help! And you know what? He did. And it's not just this one time, I've done it before. Prayer, for me, usually works. Can't hurt.
_____________________________
Kathryn
Just Me
Our little bun is here!
Rhys Athanasius
Sept 27
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/3/2008 9:32:50 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10188
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
So we just got creative with our timing. One example is, the entire family started taking naptime
Well, yeah...that's not too original though. I remember my parents always "taking naps" on weekends. LOL
For me, lately, I do have a hard time sometimes. A LOT has changed for us in the past 4+ months...Brian's accident, had a baby, had a hysterectomy. Since all of those things also affect our sex life in some way, of course things have changed and we've not had time to get used to one before another one came along. I will not say it's been a fun adventure, because it hasn't. It's been very difficult for me and it's not like it's something you pick up the phone and cry to your friend over, KWIM? Plus, we have much to be thankful for, so the other "stuff" is just taking some time to get used to and it just hasn't been enough time. I'm getting rambly...sorry.
What helps me right now is to make sure we have enough just plain old snuggle time. If he's in bed resting, I climb in with him and let the kids play in the next room or watch TV (horrors!). It seems funny because he's home all the time now, but we really still need to set aside purposeful couple time or we'll go days without really communicating or just being. If we don't have that purposeful time...forget it. And our time together is even more important to him now because it is one of the few "man things" he has left right now. He needs to know I desire him in that way.
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/3/2008 10:17:49 PM
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uponeagleswings
Posts: 1627
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Out here in the desert
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany
oh my goodness yeah! Prayer regarding that DOES help! There have been times that I have prayed for God to give me the desire, to be responsive and to be satisfying to my husband. He does answer that prayer AND HOW! LOL
I'm glad it helps for you. Really, I am. I have to say that I HAVE tried praying for this, and it doesn't always work for me. I want to want to, but...
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/3/2008 10:33:13 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3939
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I'm glad it helps, too, for some women. It's a good idea, and if it doesn't work, at least it doesn't hurt.
_____________________________
This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/4/2008 10:04:33 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10188
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
Depends on the friend, I have one I could cry to about it even though she isn't a Christian.
True, it depends on the friend. I guess I should say I don't have anyone offline to talk about this stuff with. I do have a good friend who I know wouldn't feel weird talking about this stuff, but I think Brian would feel weird, since she goes to our church, KWIM?
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: When you're not.......in the mood - 12/4/2008 3:37:25 PM
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christsstar
Posts: 5155
Joined: 4/8/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AngieCat
quote:
ORIGINAL: uponeagleswings
One of us is responsible for initiating once during the week, and once more on the weekend, then its the other person's turn for the following week and weekend. Rainchecks are allowed, but we try not to flat out refuse (we make exceptions for sickness, TOM, etc). I find that when its my turn to initiate I can spend time getting myself mentally ready, and when its DH's turn he's more loving and attentive in anticipation of that time.
This is a great idea!
I find that the longer we go without being intimate, the less I want to be intimate. I think this is because I feel close to dh after being intimate and that feeling of closeness after the event is "lost" in my memory as time passes.
(edited only to remove reference to a post that has been deleted)
This is a physiological difference between men and women. The longer men go, the more they want it. The more frequent women have it, the more they want it. I think it's interesting. And a good balance. It helps to find a balance where the man and woman both want it regularly. At least in my experience.
I've found, however, that being pregnant is just like when I was on the pill. I'm less interested than I was before. Makes me wonder if I'll ever really want it again.
_____________________________
 Christine
Avatar: "Now, why was I moving that lamp?"
Klutz Meets Pregnant Brain
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When you're not.......in the mood - 
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