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Yet another marriage trouble post... - 11/26/2008 4:54:03 PM
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ChristIsTheLord30
Posts: 4
Joined: 11/26/2008
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Here's the long short of it, we married very young and definitely shouldn't have. My wife ends up having two affairs in here early 20's and I later learn abortions during each affair. We seperate for two years and I file for divorce, she begs me back and because I miss my kids, the comforts of home etc... I say yes. forgive and forget I'm not the type to hold a grudge I'm no good at it, too tiring...
Surprisingly things go pretty well, she seems like a new woman and I think she is, only thing is I'm a different person. I'm borred, and while not getting graphic at all there is zero intimacy or interest on her part. I'm 31 attractive, never had a problem with women so it isn't something like that, she simply does not want intimacy with me.
Recently I don't know why but women have been making obvious passes at me, one of her friends, a co-worker, and more recently a girl from High School and I connected and me and her always had a spark, we dated here and there but the timing was never right. I know she wants this to go further and with the lack of intimacy from my wife the temptation is very hard to get control of.
I wouldn't cheat on my wife, however a divorce is not out of the question based on our past and present that she simply ignores one of my very basic needs in a marriage.
I'm in a jam here and finding ignoring other women nearly impossible lately. Not sure why I'm posting this really...
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RE: Yet another marriage trouble post... - 11/26/2008 5:06:27 PM
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grneyedmnstr
Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2008
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I understand what you're going through. My husband and I got married very young also. We've been going through some serious issues lately and the best advice I can give you is to search your heart, pray for clarity, and find out what is keeping her from seeking intmacy with you. Marriage counseling has been exremely helpful in my marriage and I encourage you and your wife to at least try to make it work.
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RE: Yet another marriage trouble post... - 11/26/2008 5:19:06 PM
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ChristIsTheLord30
Posts: 4
Joined: 11/26/2008
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I should add that I don't think it's just intimacy with me, it's intimacy in general (by intimacy I mean the marital act but don't want to get the thread closed down). She says she has no drive anymore at my young age that just isn't acceptable, she's only 27 I mean come on now...
In the past five months we've had a son die, my wife miscarried, I was laid off, and she was recently laid off so it's been a rough go and that has no doubt added to it, but for the past few years it's really non-existant in that regard.
I do pray but I don't recieve an answer, I've never had a prayer answered before I'm lossing faith in that route honestly.
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RE: Yet another marriage trouble post... - 11/26/2008 7:26:30 PM
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huckfinn327
Posts: 382
Joined: 1/30/2007
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(ChrististheLord30 Said:) we married
Those two words say it all. Your wife is and has been since your wedding day your "closest" blood kin ... Solomon said: Song of Sol. 8:6 "Love is strong as death." Blood-kin remain kin until death does us part. Christ taught us to love.
Joh 15:12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
Joh 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Mar 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
Mar 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Mar 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Mar 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Think on these things ... Pray on these things ... Act on these things ... the right things are most difficult.
Huckfinn ... Retired Baptist Pastor
_____________________________
NO-REMARRIAGE-THIS-SIDE-OF-DEATH .... JESUS TAUGHT CREATION MARRIAGE
www.jesusremarriagekeller.com
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RE: Yet another marriage trouble post... - 11/27/2008 11:05:06 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 766
Joined: 11/28/2005
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I think it's important for your wife to get counseling and to get medical exam...after being in affairs and making the decision to have
abortions--- then she's had a miscarriage and she got laid off... there's probably a lot of mental upheaval going
on and not too mention what the hormones are going through!
All these things effect us!
It's also very important for her to establish a more firmer
relationship with the Lord... does she know Christ as Savior?
It's also something you should be working on as well...
you see, the enemy{satan} is putting things in your path
to derail your marriage and draw you further from the Lord!
The Bible tells us to flee from temptation!
Flee means to get away from it - Run! Don't put yourself in a situation
where you're going to be in close contact with "interested" females -
especially the one from High School!
Many of the answers you are seeking are found within the pages
of the Bible --- it's time to get back to the instruction manual for
living this life.
We have a part to play in all this - casting down negatives thoughts -
anything that speaks contrary to God's word is to be cast down - replace
those bad thoughts with God's Truth{found in scripture.} Make a point of
reading and studying the Bible- don't forget to praise God and thank Him for all He has done - set aside time each day for growing in your faith.
Ask mature Christians for help/counsel. Make sure your circle of friends includes firm Christians.
I see a lot mentioned about what's going on within the marriage but
little is mentioned about attending church faithfully, praying together and doing Bible devotions as a couple - seeking mentoring from your minister or a mature Christian.
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RE: Yet another marriage trouble post... - 12/3/2008 9:57:08 AM
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ChristIsTheLord30
Posts: 4
Joined: 11/26/2008
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Well the marraige fell apart in a heap last night, I came home from work to find out my spoiled brat of a son carved his name into our brand new dining room table with a screw driver destroying it. I demanded his Nintendo WII go back to the store my wife said no (she spoils him rotten, she's spent over $1,500 dollars on his Christmas gifts already even though I went through 5 months of unemployment and we currently have no healthcare and I work three jobs to keep us afloat, she spends every dime of our savings no matter my protests, I have zero say in discipline or how the children will be raised, combine this with the fact that I recieve zero intimacy and it's clear I'm nothing but a paycheck.)..
Anyway that started the whirlwood everything came out and suffice it to say the wife is off to California and I'm apartment hunting...
I feel surprisingly O.K. with it all, it will be lonely but hopefully I can repair the damge this will do to my kids, at least I will be able to instill a little discipline and responsibility into them when I have them every other weekend.
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RE: Yet another marriage trouble post... - 12/3/2008 7:09:56 PM
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deedeeowens
Posts: 89
Joined: 6/10/2008
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WOW! Sorry to hear that things didn't work out. Just a word of caution; please hold off on the temptation of other relationships right now. I know you're lonely and you haven't been with a woman like you need to be in a long time, but BELIEVE ME, Satan will take you for a ride if you give into adultery or fornication. I've been there and what feels good for the moment will turn into destruction. Pray for direction and stay close to the Lord. It will make all the difference in the world in your future.
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RE: Yet another marriage trouble post... - 12/3/2008 11:25:24 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1942
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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You've been living in quite the firestorm, ChristIsTheLord30, and I grieve for you.
The stresses in your marriage had been horrendous: miscarriage, a child dying (that must have been so tough; expect to take a couple three years to grieve that), the affairs, the abortions, the lack of intimacy (medical exam and counseling was spot on, just too late now), the vandalism, the lack of say in disciplining the bratty kids, the over-indulgence of your son, and her out of control spending.
You didn't say if either of you are Christians (her behavior should have had her up on heavy counseling from the elders and maybe church dicipline to turn her around) but it's going to take a spiritual whack upside the head from God (not from you) for her to turn around. So pray for that.
The practical side of this - she's probably going to sue you for support and who knows what else. Go get a good lawyer now. See if you can get full custody of your kids; you're the only responsible adult in this mess (I sure wouldn't want my kid to be raised by her). You can raise them yourself, but it will be difficult. Find a way - they're your kids. They'll grow up and move away some day, so do right by them now. Their lives are topsy-turvy, too, and they have fewer emotional resources than adults do.
You are going to be tempted by women, and it's critical that giving in just a little can put you on a slide to commit moral suicide. That's part of you that can't be exercised right now, tough as that is. And she might have a lawyer looking to see if you have a woman so she can nail you with adultery and unfit parent, so don't give her a stick to hit you with. Stay celibate.
She may try to come back when life gets too hard for her. Pray for wisdom! And get your pastor to counsel you. If you don't have a church home, you need one desperately right now. Go find one.
Find a way to lower your bills: find a cheap place to live, ditch the entertainment center and DSL, start eating food you fix yourself instead of prepared food (or as soon as your sanity returns; this is a turbulent time for you and TV dinners might be the only way to keep nutrition in you until you feel a little better). Unless you need it for work (and really need it) sell the truck and buy something small and cheap to run. Don't take out any loans. Don't buy a new wardrobe or take up an expensive hobby. A cheap hobby might be good for distraction. And go to the Public Health place and get yourself checked for VDs.
God is working in your life and will bring good out of this mess. Hang in there with Him and ask Him what He wants you to do. And cry, grieve, scream if you have to - it isn't always going to be this bad, and you have to survive until it gets better. Trust God and ask Him for help. Get into your Bible and learn something new every day.
I'm praying for you tonight - may God bless you and bring great good into your life.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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