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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/12/2010 11:08:58 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4314
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Thanks for the hugs and thanks for the urgings about connecting with my doctor. (Bill, I had to stop and think for a minute WHO it was you wanted me to call "tomorrow.") I didn't call her today. I slept till 2:00 p.m. But I did call my mom today and ask her to come with me to the doctor's to make sure I get there. She'll come pick me up. I'll go get the brace for my knee after that and if I have the energy, we'll go out for lunch.
Guess I should get to sleep if I want to be able to get up in time. Sigh.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Maddening Imagings
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/13/2010 10:52:46 AM
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cherish405
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From: The Land Down Under
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Maggie, I'm glad that you are going to see your doctor. Good idea to get your mum to come pick you up. I hope your doctor will be really helpful to you.
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From this time forth, with the powers vested in me, this post serves as public notice of the issuance of one unrevocable lisence to cherish405 to have special dispensation in the matter of drive-by huggings as she sees fit. ~rayofson~
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/13/2010 3:54:56 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4314
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Thanks, Trish.
I saw the doctor, and she's upping one of my meds as a temporary measure to help. We tried doing that with the same drug last spring but it kept me from sleeping. However, I'm already very tired all the time so that may not be a problem this time.
I also got my knee brace. It's hard plastic with a hinge and will take time to get used to. But after my mom dropped me off at home, I went for a walk around the block. I'm going to make an effort every day to go walking outside, now that I have the brace. Apparently it will take time for the hinge to become effective, perhaps as long as three weeks. I'm glad she told me that because I had to shorten my walk because of pain. But I'll keep trying. It's good to get outside to walk. I really miss that.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Maddening Imagings
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/15/2010 9:15:49 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4314
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I'm not doing very well today. Spent most of it in bed but even now that I'm up I feel icky. It's not the flu or anything, just the grief, I presume, but I can feel it physically. I think I'd like to sleep non-stop for several weeks and when I wake up, everything is good again.
Dh was in a very bad mood last night when he came back from seeing the psychiatrist and took it out on me. It was hard and hurt a lot, so then I was ready to tear him apart. Slowly. Thankfully I had friends online I could vent to and didn't pour it out on dh. Today he was reading ds3's spiritual blog online and it really put him down. He went to bed as soon as he got home from work. He's finding work so hard and says he'd just like to retire. I said that how he is feeling now is temporary and it's not a good reason to retire. He was angry with that so I told him to discuss it with his psychiatrist. Psychiatrist agreed with me. "Don't make any big decisions right now," he told dh. He does seem to think that dh going to work is a good thing though, even if all he does is coast while he's there. Dh says he wishes he could die. Suicidal? asked the psychiatrist. No, he just wishes his time to die would come soon. I'm so tired of being the strong one.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Maddening Imagings
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/15/2010 9:48:35 PM
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Patriciahere
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(((((((((((((((Maggie)))))))))))))))))))))
praying for you and dh
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My House
Patricia is Just Wondering (Lies and Truth ...7/18/2010)
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/15/2010 10:30:05 PM
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uncabeeil
Posts: 4994
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From: Joisey. Got a problem wit dat?
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((((((((((Maggie)))))))))) Still praying for all of you.
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Now batting for New York, the catcher, number 15, Thurman Munson, number 15.
RIP Bob Sheppard, 1910 - 2010
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/15/2010 11:45:24 PM
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Bountiful
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(((((Maggie)))))
Continue to pray for you and DH
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/16/2010 12:41:06 AM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4314
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Thanks, Patricia, Bill and Edith! I appreciate both the hugs and prayers.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Maddening Imagings
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/16/2010 9:16:22 AM
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pink..
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From: Indiana
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((((Maggie)))) Still praying for you and your family.
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/16/2010 10:11:49 AM
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rayofson
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quote:
I'm so tired of being the strong one.
Tooshy felt that way too. After losing my best friend, then less than a year later my brother, my grief was more than she could take.
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Please don't feed the Ogre.
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/17/2010 10:25:52 AM
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cherish405
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((((((((((((((MAGGIE))))))))))))))))
I'd just been asking about your knees on Facebook.
I know that it seems like just platitudes when I say this but hand it all over to God. He's the strong one. You don't have to be. Let Him take care of it all. His shoulders are big enough.
_____________________________
From this time forth, with the powers vested in me, this post serves as public notice of the issuance of one unrevocable lisence to cherish405 to have special dispensation in the matter of drive-by huggings as she sees fit. ~rayofson~
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/17/2010 10:32:33 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4314
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Thanks, Trish and Roberta!
Ray, at least someone can identify!
Trish, I know you’re right.
I'm not doing very well. I couldn't sleep last night so I missed church this morning. I thought of going despite my lack of sleep but didn't think I was alert enough to drive or to gain much from the service (though it would have been lovely to have been bathed with all the songs of praise and worship and the presence of God's Spirit). I miss being there a great deal.
As I was going to bed and dh was getting up, he seemed to think it necessary to harass me with all his complaints and concerns.
1. He wants my debit card so he and ds2 can return the gadget for plugging computers into the car while driving. I bought it for the trip and it died after the first day. He's been nagging me all week to find the receipt and now that I've found it, he wants to get it back to the store post-haste.
I don't want to return it. I want to exchange it for a new one.
He doesn't approve. My debt is his debt, he argues; I'm seriously in the hole and he's trying to get out of debt, so getting the money refunded instead of exchanging it would help the situation.
Maybe, but not THAT much, I'm thinking.
2. He doesn't want our boys to move out of the house. It will kill him, he says. He'll have nothing left to live for.
Excuse me? What about your wife? I'm still here. And that's to say nothing about God, his work in the community, etc. Besides, it's not healthy for his well-being to be so dependent on others.
3. Healthy or not, it IS dependent and he points to our very messy, cluttered bedroom. The only things I allow him to do, he complains, are dishes and cleaning the floors--suggesting that he'd like to clean up my mess in the bedroom.
Would he like it if I went into his study and started cleaning up? No! He wouldn't be able to find anything. Same with my stuff. Besides, my mess isn't the only mess in the bedroom.
He goes to make a token effort at cleaning up his mess.
4. I nag him too, he claims. For example, I had mentioned, the night before, the wallpaper in the dining room. I'd like the wallpaper off so we can redecorate the room but I've mentioned it maybe six times in the last six months. That's very different from his several times a day, every day.
Well, finding the receipt had a timeline to meet.
only in his mind.
5. I oppose him at every step.
Disagreeing isn't opposing.
6. Why hadn't I slept?
I don't know! I'm having trouble with sleep and exhaustion. It seems to be the way my body is dealing with stress and grief.
7. He shows me some shower hooks and said I bought them.
I've never seen them before.
Well, his pastor found them in a bag of stuff and said they're ours.
I've never seen them before.
Oh! You got them for the curtains in the bedroom.
No. I got the hooks that are currently being used for the curtains, for the curtains.
8. What's this bag at the top of the stairs?
My knee brace.
Do you want it taken downstairs?
No. I want it where it is.
He got mad at that.
It didn't end! It was like he was trying to pick a fight with me and I was trying so hard to not grant his wish. I was tired! I hadn't slept all night! These are not urgent issues that can't wait until I've had some sleep. Good grief! It's how the past several days have been. Ugh!
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Maddening Imagings
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/17/2010 11:43:23 PM
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Bountiful
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My goodness! DH sure has himself twisted tight today, doesn't he?
Sorry you didn't get any sleep at all and that your day has started so poorly.
Hope DH can find something to do to use up some of that negative energy (rather than taking it out on you).
((((Maggie))))
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/18/2010 8:53:07 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 20810
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From: The Land Down Under
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(((((((((((((((((MAGGIE))))))))))))))))))))))))
I hope you can get some sleep without any more hassles.
DH really is in a twist, isn't he? Probably the way the grief is working on him. Having said that, if that's the case, then it's still not helping you or anybody else. Like Edith said, I hope he can find something to do that will help him with his negative emotions/thoughts etc.
_____________________________
From this time forth, with the powers vested in me, this post serves as public notice of the issuance of one unrevocable lisence to cherish405 to have special dispensation in the matter of drive-by huggings as she sees fit. ~rayofson~
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/18/2010 8:54:54 AM
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pink..
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From: Indiana
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Maggie, I didn't realize that your dh got released to go back to work. ((((hugs))))
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/18/2010 4:17:00 PM
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magdaleine
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Roberta, when he had been told not to go back to work, back in November, the doctor said he could start again in the new year. So he did.
Yes, Trish. Dh is twisted very tightly and twisting me in the process. I'm not doing very well at all. My tummy and head are in turmoil. I feel physically ill from everything and I want to go hide in bed. The tears aren't far away either.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Maddening Imagings
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/18/2010 5:37:03 PM
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Patriciahere
Posts: 2102
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Tears are good--they release a toxin. And with all that's happening at your house you don't want hang onto any twisted toxins.
Seriously though--I am sorry that dh is being difficult--go ahead and have a good cry.
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My House
Patricia is Just Wondering (Lies and Truth ...7/18/2010)
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/18/2010 5:46:46 PM
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pink..
Posts: 11020
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From: Indiana
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quote:
ORIGINAL: magdaleine
The tears aren't far away either.
Let them come!
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/19/2010 1:59:37 AM
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vmginny
Posts: 2157
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Hi Maggie. I agree with what others have said, "Let the tears come. They are good." Tears are God's way to clean us from all the emotions raging inside. They'll release the build up of feelings.
Cry away, my dear. Love ya.
_____________________________
Mark 10:27
Looking at them, Jesus *said, “ With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/19/2010 3:53:32 AM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4314
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I'm not trying to not cry--well, except I try not to when dh is around because I don't like how he responds, but he's gone during the day so there's no impediment then. Sometimes I can feel tears coming but they don't come. Just the feeling is there. Other times I cry buckets.
Thanks for the encouragement to cry, though. I agree it's important to let it happen.
I slept for about 24 hours on Monday, with only a five or six hour break of being awake. Now, in the wee hours of the morning, I can't sleep. I'm hoping that I can stay awake all day so I can sleep properly Tuesday night. Wednesday is a busy day and I won't manage well if I haven't slept well.
Hugs to you all!
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Maddening Imagings
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/19/2010 9:24:26 AM
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momma_bee
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Maggie - where has DH been during the day? Did he go back to work?
Twisted toxins? Sounds like one of those bands that BigBee favors. Didn't they open up for that tour in '08? You know, the one with the thing, and that group that had that hit they used on the commerical for car insurance, or a car rental place or maybe it was a law group. You know the one... 
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/19/2010 10:21:14 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 20810
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
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I agree with the others. Tears are healthy, so let it all hang out!
What's not healthy though is the fact that you're feeling physically ill. It may be time to spend some more time with your psych, and I think it would be really helpful if dh gets some help too. He's obviously not coping. I'm surprised in a way that he's been allowed to go back to work. I understand that it gives him something else to focus on, but I'm also concerned about the pressures of his job. Anyway, I guess you would know better than I would.
Are there ways that you can try to relax? Christian meditation? Quietly having Christian music in the background?
_____________________________
From this time forth, with the powers vested in me, this post serves as public notice of the issuance of one unrevocable lisence to cherish405 to have special dispensation in the matter of drive-by huggings as she sees fit. ~rayofson~
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/19/2010 5:49:38 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4314
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I'm sure I wrote a post for this thread but I guess I've lost it.
MBee, dh went back to work at the beginning of January. LOL at your comments on Twisted Toxins!
Trish, I seem to often see stress in me expressed in my body. Usually it's my body shutting down but this isn't the first time that I've felt physical pain because of it. I had a good cry just now when ds2 came and asked how I'm doing. So he hugged me while I cried. He just finished seeing his psychiatrist (does any other family have so many of its members seeing psychiatrists?) who is recommending he move to Toronto. It won't happen right away but I will miss him.
Dh's psychiatrist says it's good for him to be at work, even if he coasts and his staff pick up the slack for him.
I've been doing a lot of sleeping. I don't feel like doing much else. I'm cancelling all the plans I had for tomorrow except seeing the doctor. I'm not going to manage more than that.
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Maggie
Magdaleine's Maddening Imagings
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RE: Magdaleine's Maddening Imaginings - 1/19/2010 8:00:43 PM
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vmginny
Posts: 2157
Joined: 3/31/2006
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quote:
I've been doing a lot of sleeping. I don't feel like doing much else. Me too.
When can you play rummikub? What time are you usually on? I miss talking to ya.
_____________________________
Mark 10:27
Looking at them, Jesus *said, “ With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”
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