|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
lazy high schoolers - 5/10/2010 3:24:38 PM
|
|
|
crazemom
Posts: 36
Status: offline
|
I have a 10th grader who is in school this year because he was cheating at home and just plain lazy. I thought maybe he'd respond to someone other than mom. He is in a private school and I've wasted all my money. He may even have to repeat the grade. I would like to bring most of my kids that are not home and in different school environments back home next year, but I am hesistant to bring him home. I know I do not want to pay for a private edcuation in which he is failing. I am thinking of letting him go to public school and fail until he either has no choice, but to homeschool, get his GED or buckle up. I could homeschool him again, but how do you deal with laziness? I homeschooled for 9 years and it is my preference, but high school is hard, especially with a non-motivated teen! There is nothing I can take away from him and there is nothing that seems to motivate him! 
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/10/2010 3:34:23 PM
|
|
|
EsonTheSearcher
Posts: 620
Joined: 4/25/2009
From: Homer, GA
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: crazemom
I have a 10th grader who is in school this year because he was cheating at home and just plain lazy. I thought maybe he'd respond to someone other than mom. He is in a private school and I've wasted all my money. He may even have to repeat the grade. I would like to bring most of my kids that are not home and in different school environments back home next year, but I am hesistant to bring him home. I know I do not want to pay for a private edcuation in which he is failing. I am thinking of letting him go to public school and fail until he either has no choice, but to homeschool, get his GED or buckle up. I could homeschool him again, but how do you deal with laziness? I homeschooled for 9 years and it is my preference, but high school is hard, especially with a non-motivated teen! There is nothing I can take away from him and there is nothing that seems to motivate him!
There ain't a lot you can do. If he is not motivated, it is unlikely you will be able to do it for him. Might be best if you did just simply let him fail and try the GED. I personally would tell him "if you don't have a HS diploma you will have a hard time finding a job..."; which is true. Nowdays just everything from flipping burgers to joining the military requires a HS diploma. At one time, the GED was considered the same as a high-school diploma but that has changed.
What may be some reasons for his "non-motivation?"
< Message edited by EsonTheSearcher -- 5/11/2010 8:01:00 AM >
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/10/2010 3:49:40 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7664
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
It sounds like he needs to take more responsibility for himself in general. Is he 16 yet? You could require that he pay for everything besides food and shelter, so he will have to get a job. I would stop doing just about anything for him; no rides to anywhere, no new clothing, not wash any of his clothing or bedding or anything like that. He needs to learn responsibility.
Maybe you could take some trips to the Union Gospel Mission and do some volunteering with him. Might open his eyes a bit.
_____________________________
Often times the battle is the worst right before a breakthrough. In order to get us to give up, the devil wants us to think we are losing, when in fact we need to fight on to victory.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/10/2010 4:12:25 PM
|
|
|
his_chosen
Posts: 1182
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
I'm in the exact same boat with my ds2. 15yo, 10th grade. Home schooling wasn't working so we tried a cyber charter school. That didn't work. Out of options, we put him in public school. He's most likely going to fail most, if not all, his classes this year. He wants to go into the military but at this point that's not going to happen! There is NOTHING I can do to motivate him. HE has to find the motivation within himself.
So, no answers, just letting you know that I'm right there with you.
_____________________________
You have a choice. You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/10/2010 7:59:40 PM
|
|
|
stellaluna
Posts: 4250
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
Work, as in J-O-B.
Someone will need to remind me what the law says, but is it that you have to stay in school until 16? That could have an impact on what I'm about to say, but...
At this point in your kid's life, the job should be school. He should be applying himself to achieving the educational foundation that will carry his through the rest of his life. But if he's not interested in that job, he needs to get another one. Doesn't really matter what it is, as long as it adds up to the amount of time he would be in school. Set an amount each week that he will pay for rent and/or bills. (The amount doesn't need to be a lot, because the point of the job isn't to make a lot of money--it's to show up somewhere everyday and do the work.) Tell him if you don't go to school, you don't get summer vacation!
Sometimes even faced with this sort of work can motivate a kid to buckle down.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/10/2010 9:34:55 PM
|
|
|
TMeeks
Posts: 891
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline
|
It's frustrating to see anyone not living up to their potential. My parents had to go through that ordeal through most of my school years. :)
Rejection, or at least feelings of rejection, might be one possible underlying cause of his lack of motivation. How 'happy' is he in general? What are his other personality traits besides laziness? Is he withdrawn? Does he like to hang out with other equally non-motivated kids? Who does he gravitate toward when choosing friends?
_____________________________
Discovery with Microscopes Blog
Create & Cut Crafting
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/10/2010 10:04:33 PM
|
|
|
crazemom
Posts: 36
Status: offline
|
Our son is or shall I say was only interested in art so this year we put him in a private school which has a focus on the arts thinking he just needed a self esteem booster and an interest.
His younger brother excels at everything and yes he feels depressed a lot. He sees how his younger brother is good at "everything" and all he can do is draw. He really doesn't have any friends and is pretty much a loner, always has been. We were really hoping this school might help, but now he even hates art. I know that he is craving some praise from somewhere. This is the hard part. I try to praise him for what he is good at and when he does do something good, but frankly there isn't a whole lot to praise. I was hoping some teacher at the school (coming from an outside source) would tell him how great he is at something. I'm really not sure how to deal with it. He's not the least bit interested in finding a job, learning to drive, much of anything.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/10/2010 10:14:24 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7664
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
Please do not take the following questions personally. I do not know anything about you or your family. My comments and questions are based on what I have seen in families and are food for thought not necessarily questions I am asking for you to answer here. There must be underlying issues that are causing this.
It may be coming from an issue (or issues) with his father. Very often boys who are not affirmed by their father will have problems with motivation and so forth. Does his father complain about his work? Is his father lazy? Are you lazy? Has he been taught how to work? Does he have chores and things that are required of him?
Has he had physical? How are his eating habits? Is he sleeping properly? Is he getting enough exercise?
_____________________________
Often times the battle is the worst right before a breakthrough. In order to get us to give up, the devil wants us to think we are losing, when in fact we need to fight on to victory.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/11/2010 8:47:44 AM
|
|
|
TMeeks
Posts: 891
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
Our son is or shall I say was only interested in art so this year we put him in a private school which has a focus on the arts thinking he just needed a self esteem booster and an interest.
His younger brother excels at everything and yes he feels depressed a lot. He sees how his younger brother is good at "everything" and all he can do is draw.
It's interesting that those whose minds lean toward the artistic very often have exactly the kinds of difficulties that you describe. I think it might be useful for both you and your son to learn more about the differences in how the brain processes and stores information from one person to another. The work of Dr. Caroline Leaf, a learning specialist from South Africa, is very helpful in this regard.
_____________________________
Discovery with Microscopes Blog
Create & Cut Crafting
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/14/2010 12:28:25 PM
|
|
|
fairfarmhand
Posts: 5
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline
|
I'd help him find the crummiest low paying job I could find, cutting grass, flipping burgers, etc. and tell him to get used to it, because if he doesn't learn to work hard this is what the rest of his life is going to be.
What ARE his interests? Ask him, if he could do anything he wanted all day (excepting screen related things) what would that be. Then help him look at careers that might be related. Maybe he just needs a goal to shoot for.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 5/16/2010 10:48:00 PM
|
|
|
crazemom
Posts: 36
Status: offline
|
It is interesting that it seems the "artsy" types are this way. My husband is/was the same way. I say was because now after 17 years he is better, but it was a slow, slow battle! I also say is because it is still a battle to some degree. It took him over 14 years to finally finish college and many more to figure out his career. I fear my son's battle will be similar.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 7/7/2010 12:13:31 PM
|
|
|
charity7
Posts: 519
Status: offline
|
With all my boys I had to find the trigger--what is it that motivates them to want to learn--I started when they were little to try to teach them to love to learn---find that motivating factor and use it---one of mine it was music--he learned that if he got his work done I would let him spend the rest of his time with music--another one it was reading---another one it was friends----you also need to get them to understand that they need this learning for the rest of their life--Check out the book Honey For a Child heart. Is he saved? That can be an issue also---if God has their hearts they will want to do whatever it takes---
_____________________________
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have
Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 7/19/2010 12:35:50 PM
|
|
|
Ross.Lang
Posts: 314
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline
|
I'd like to encourage all the Homeschool parents to read my post in the thread, "Friends for high school." I am a homeschool graduate and had terrible issues with motivation. I try to describe why it happened in that post.
-Ross
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 7/19/2010 1:22:14 PM
|
|
|
stateofgrace
Posts: 1304
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
Well, I've got a daughter that is much this way...she is not motivated about academics. We tried online classes this last year. Did not work well for her. She got through everything but math and chem in the spring but had to continue with the summer term for those two. Now it looks like she will not finish chem.
The one community college class she took last year, she got A's in. So this fall she'll be taking three community college classes and we will be doing one or two classes with traditional books and paper, with me grading them every night (she'll be a senior this coming year). I think she needs the outside accountability person-to-person...the online school did not provide enough of it for her, and she really did everything she could to keep the truth from her dad and I till we confronted her about it.
Up till this last year I would have said that the key with kids like this seemed to be helping them discover their passion. But this girl's passion is artsy/craftsy stuff and dance. And she developed an eating disorder last year, with all the dance environment being a big trigger. Don't get me wrong - I had a degree in Art in college, but I also figured out how to have a livable income off my interests. And that's one thing she's not doing. I know she has time, but we've been going back and forth about potential college majors, and she's really hopping from one extreme to another.
_____________________________
America Needs Revival. Will you commit to pray for it?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: lazy high schoolers - 8/8/2010 8:04:11 PM
|
|
|
LMKH
Posts: 147
Status: offline
|
You need a better private school. Seriously. I had my son at one where he got caught cheating first time, and he had to do all the work over. He was crying and never did it again because he knew he would never get away with it. Since it was a school that did at his own pace, he was able to go back and repeat the entire unit. It was not like he just had to keep going because the rest of the class was. The school used ACE and AOP. I was not thrilled about the curriculum they used in the beginning, but once I realized how easy it was to use and how little he could get away with, it was great! Maybe you can find something like that where you are.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
